‘You know what?’ I said to my friend, Ellie, when we were walking home from the gym the other day. ‘Everything is going so well at the moment, but I’m certain it won’t last.’
This way of thinking is common, not just for me, but for many people.
It’s almost impossible to appreciate when things are going well, because I’m constantly waiting for everything to come crashing down.
This is called catastrophising and, says senior therapist Sally Baker, is essentially a form of ‘emotional insurance’ that protects us from being caught off guard when things do go wrong.
‘Usually, there’s quite possibly a time in someone’s past where they have been caught out,’ says Baker.
‘So they felt really happy, and then something catastrophic happened and they got caught out, and they’ve developed a strategy of being able to protect themselves by always doubting that the good streak will last, and always looking out for the next terrible thing to happen.’
For most people, it’s a coping strategy to deal with the ups and downs of life.
‘But there’s a high price to pay for this strategy,’ Baker continues. ‘Because you’re paying for it with your own happiness.’
That’s the problem with leaving the present moment: if you’re looking to the future, nine times out of ten, you’re catastrophising, but if you’re looking to the past, you’re probably ruminating on how things could have been different.
‘You can only feel true happiness in the present,’ says Baker. ‘You always need to come back to the moment of now.’
How to stop catastrophising and start living
Being aware that you’re catastrophising is a good step, but it might not be enough to actually help you put an end to this misery-inducing habit.
Baker suggests not only noticing the thoughts, but interrupting them.
And, on a deeper level, she suggests attempting to work out where this habit has rooted from.
Become a detective of your own psychology
If you can’t already pinpoint it, it’s a good idea to attempt to look back – either through journaling or even through a timeline exercise – and try to figure out the root cause.
‘It’s very likely that you’ll have some unresolved trauma, big or small,’ says Baker.
‘Because of that pain and disappointment you’ve already experienced, you never really trust going forward, because you’ve had the rug pulled out from under you before.’
Working out where those feelings are coming from is a good step to learning that it isn’t always going to be the case, which is something you can remind yourself of going forward.
Interrupt your thoughts
It’s also important to remember that your thoughts are only that: thoughts.
Baker says: ‘People put great store by their thoughts, but they are only thoughts, and you can interrupt them.
‘So when you are happy, and a dark or catastrophic, miserable thought comes into your conscious mind, interrupt it – mentally or even verbally.
‘It’s just a thought – we have a million thoughts every day.’
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