During the depths of lockdown, you might have romanticised what it would be like to savour the buzz of an open-plan office again.

Yet returning after two years of relative isolation, you’ve realised it’s fraught with challenges.

Yep, you now have to navigate your work life alongside colleagues in the flesh, rather than online – and it’s more draining than you’d anticipated.

Never is this more evident than when coming face to face with the ‘energy vampire’, a term given to those people who figuratively suck the life out of their victims through manipulation, oversharing or sheer negativity, leaving them depleted and in desperate need of reviving.

Unfortunately, we’ve never been more vulnerable to their energy-sapping ways, or more likely to become one ourselves. Blame it on the lockdowns.

While working from home, we grew accustomed to our own company and dictating our own rules.

That means we’re now less tolerant of other people’s behaviour while, ironically, bringing our very own unique foibles to the table.

‘We’ve all got a little quirkier, louder and more annoying in our habits, and developed patterns that just don’t scale to the workplace,’ says Dr Tessa West, associate professor of psychology at New York University, and author of Jerks At Work: Toxic Co-Workers And What To Do About Them.

‘We seem to have forgotten what’s acceptable behaviour and we’re having to build those skills back up.

‘Interrupting people, being negative, noise pollution — all these things suck people dry so it’s important to acknowledge what your energy vampire looks like, learn strategies to protect yourself and appreciate we can all be energy vampires in various ways.’

West has studied uncomfortable social interactions for more than 15 years.

‘Research shows that the stress, discomfort and frustrations we feel at work have a greater impact on our mental and physical health than those in our home lives,’ she says. ‘That’s because we simply spend more time at work and people underestimate that.

‘While there’s so much advice out there on how to improve our personal relationships, there’s not so much regarding our workplace ones, and the difference is you can’t dump a colleague or manager. It’s why we can feel helpless that we can’t control what relationships we’re entering into.’

In Jerks At Work, West profiles seven types of energy vampire: Kiss Up/Kick Downer, Credit Stealer, Bulldozer, Free Rider, Micromanager, Neglectful Boss and Gaslighter.

Chances are you’ve come across them and, if truth be told, you’ve probably displayed certain traits yourself.

If you’re aghast at this insinuation, take a moment to flick through the mental archives.

Ever found yourself talking for more than 30 seconds in a meeting? Then you’re displaying signs of a Bulldozer. Likewise, if you tend to get anxious when you’re stressed, you might have micromanager tendencies.

‘A lot of these behaviours are learned by being victimised,’ explains West, who’s keen to remind us that energy vampires aren’t just hurting their victims, ‘but hurting themselves too’.

She adds: ‘If you’re being micromanaged a lot, you’re going to learn that as a strategy and go on to micromanage others. Or, if people take credit for your work, you might become a Kiss Up/Kick Downer and sabotage them so you can get ahead.’

It’s why West is concerned about the trend of people quitting their jobs since the beginning of the pandemic, known as the ‘Great Resignation’.

‘I’m nervous people are leaving because it’s uncomfortable at work or they have an unresolved conflict and believe the grass is greener when it isn’t, so end up making a bunch of horizontal moves,’ she says.

‘Unless it’s something like intractable conflict preventing you from doing your job, a mismatch with the company’s ethos or a manager that’s not open to change, it’s important to resolve issues.

‘Communication is key — not more of it but how we do it, so it isn’t stressful for us or the person we’re talking to. Rather than tell someone how they make you feel, which can make them defensive and isn’t specific enough to create change, lead with a specific behaviour they did. This could be, “You didn’t give me enough time to respond to an email” if it’s a micromanage.

‘Being a good colleague or manager isn’t about never getting stressed or being competitive but about how you deal with those urges and work around them — because we all have flaws.’

Here are the seven types of office energy vampires:

Kiss up/kick downers

Two-faced and competitive, they’ll be nice to the boss but treat everyone who’s at the same level or below them as competition.

Credit stealers

A wolf in sheep’s clothing, these can be teammates and/or mentors who’ll take credit for ideas and hard work. They have a knack for packaging an idea in a timely, eloquent way.

Free riders

Usually fun and charismatic, they have a knack for targeting conscientious teams, so get away with not pulling their weight.

Bulldozers

Well connected and forthright, they talk too much in meetings and take over group decision-making.

Intent on getting their own way, they have no interest in compromising.

Neglectful bosses

Although AWOL for weeks, they’ll show up at the last minute, freak themselves (and everyone else) out because they don’t know what’s happening, and micromanage before disappearing again.

Micromanagers

A tendency to oversee everything with intense detail no matter how irrelevant, they also have an emergency mindset that everything must be done right now.

Gaslighters

People who lie with the intent of deceiving on a grand scale, they’ll isolate their victims then slowly build an alternative reality that suits their needs.

Jerks At Work: Toxic Co-Workers And What To Do About Them by Tessa West is out now, published by Eburyi.

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing [email protected].

Source: Read Full Article